Today I had a conversation with a male coworker and his girlfriend......... The topic was pregnant celebrities. His girlfriend is 3 months pregnant with their first child and has been plagued with morning sickness, fatigue and all the other non-fabulous unpleasantness associated with pregnancy. Well, he wanted to know why his girlfriend "can't make herself presentable and try to at least look the way Christina looks on the cover of the upcoming Marie Claire magazine." His words, not mine. His girlfriend informed him that Christina and other celebrities usually don't get sick during pregnancy and that's why they look fabulous. I said, "huh????? [insert blank stare (as travel diva would say]!!!! I DISAGREE. I'll give you my version of why normal women don't look like Demi,Britney,Myleen or Christina!!!
First of all, if you look at the above pictures you'll notice that these chicas have protuding bellies. They are not in the first trimester of pregnancy, which is usually the period when most women feel out of sorts, sick and just plain dejected. These women have clearly passed that phase and are now in the "glowing" phase of pregnancy. And of course I use the term glowing loosely. I'll explain why later.
Second, these ladies have a glam patrol. Let's see how they got so fab -
1. Manicurist
2. Pedicurist
3. Hair Stylist
4. Wardrobe Stylist
5. Personal Assistant
6. Makeup Stylist
7. Eyelash curler stylist
8. Tan Stylist - the individual, person or thing that provides that fake glow so vividly displayed in the above pictures
9. Assistants to the stylists mentioned above
10. Good lighting
11. Good camera angles
12. Good posing
13. Fabulous Airbrush consultants
14. Tons and tons of cash!!!
15. Access to Massages, pampering, spas
16. All of the above and tons more that a normal chica like me cannot even fathom.
3. For my colleague, your broke rass cannot afford all the 16 items in #2 that your girlfriend needs to look fashion-cover-ready. Your broke rass needs to stop comparing your wonderful, gorgeous girlfriend to some misplaced fantasy on some magazine cover. This is the same dude who looks at comso, essence and glamour covers and thinks all women should look like halle, tyra, giselle or beyonce. Have you seen these chicas when they wake up in the morning, with the crust in their eyes and dry spit on the side of their mouths? Have you seen these chicas in their first trimester hugging the toilet as they regurgitate their last meal? No you haven't. All you've seen is some airbrushed styled magazine cover touting how beautiful and fabulous it is to be "whatever it is they say they are." Keep it real!! What you see in front of you every morning and next to you in bed at night is the real deal. If your girl had the glam patrol, guess what MFKR.............
guess what??? SHE WON'T BE WITH YOUR RASS!!!!
SHE'LL BE WITH ALL THOSE HOTTIES THAT HAVE BEEN LISTED ON THIS BLOG AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER AND NOT YOUR BROKE, UNFABULOUS, UNAPPRECIATIVE, FANTASY-LIVING RASS!! GET OVER IT ALREADY AND TREAT YOUR WOMAN LIKE THE DESERVING GODDESS SHE IS!!!!
And look here, Halle, Nicole, Jlo and anyone else carrying a baby or babies, I don't want to see your naked rass on some cover all dolled up looking like the fabulous diva that you probably are. I want to see you on the cover of the magazine keeping it real on behalf of all pregnant women out there. We know that some of you have been looking forward this day for a long time and we have been right there with you, praying, hoping, fasting, some even doing voodoo (you know who you are) so that you can one day enjoy the joy of pregnancy....... So we appreciate and applaud your joy. We celebrate this wonderful blessing, but we want you to know that you're creating some false expectations. That said, I'm not sure I'd buy a magazine with Halle on the cover hugging some toilet bowl, being sick all over the place so I guess..........i'm kind of a little hyprocrite........... but anyway, I digress, you get my drift, right????
And for all those pregnant women out there, we can't wait to see your little precious, wonderful bundles of joys!!!
Stay Fabulous!!!
UK BBC Presenter Myleene Klass, Britney spears, Demi Moore, Christina Aguillera
First of all, if you look at the above pictures you'll notice that these chicas have protuding bellies. They are not in the first trimester of pregnancy, which is usually the period when most women feel out of sorts, sick and just plain dejected. These women have clearly passed that phase and are now in the "glowing" phase of pregnancy. And of course I use the term glowing loosely. I'll explain why later.
Second, these ladies have a glam patrol. Let's see how they got so fab -
1. Manicurist
2. Pedicurist
3. Hair Stylist
4. Wardrobe Stylist
5. Personal Assistant
6. Makeup Stylist
7. Eyelash curler stylist
8. Tan Stylist - the individual, person or thing that provides that fake glow so vividly displayed in the above pictures
9. Assistants to the stylists mentioned above
10. Good lighting
11. Good camera angles
12. Good posing
13. Fabulous Airbrush consultants
14. Tons and tons of cash!!!
15. Access to Massages, pampering, spas
16. All of the above and tons more that a normal chica like me cannot even fathom.
3. For my colleague, your broke rass cannot afford all the 16 items in #2 that your girlfriend needs to look fashion-cover-ready. Your broke rass needs to stop comparing your wonderful, gorgeous girlfriend to some misplaced fantasy on some magazine cover. This is the same dude who looks at comso, essence and glamour covers and thinks all women should look like halle, tyra, giselle or beyonce. Have you seen these chicas when they wake up in the morning, with the crust in their eyes and dry spit on the side of their mouths? Have you seen these chicas in their first trimester hugging the toilet as they regurgitate their last meal? No you haven't. All you've seen is some airbrushed styled magazine cover touting how beautiful and fabulous it is to be "whatever it is they say they are." Keep it real!! What you see in front of you every morning and next to you in bed at night is the real deal. If your girl had the glam patrol, guess what MFKR.............
guess what??? SHE WON'T BE WITH YOUR RASS!!!!
SHE'LL BE WITH ALL THOSE HOTTIES THAT HAVE BEEN LISTED ON THIS BLOG AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER AND NOT YOUR BROKE, UNFABULOUS, UNAPPRECIATIVE, FANTASY-LIVING RASS!! GET OVER IT ALREADY AND TREAT YOUR WOMAN LIKE THE DESERVING GODDESS SHE IS!!!!
And look here, Halle, Nicole, Jlo and anyone else carrying a baby or babies, I don't want to see your naked rass on some cover all dolled up looking like the fabulous diva that you probably are. I want to see you on the cover of the magazine keeping it real on behalf of all pregnant women out there. We know that some of you have been looking forward this day for a long time and we have been right there with you, praying, hoping, fasting, some even doing voodoo (you know who you are) so that you can one day enjoy the joy of pregnancy....... So we appreciate and applaud your joy. We celebrate this wonderful blessing, but we want you to know that you're creating some false expectations. That said, I'm not sure I'd buy a magazine with Halle on the cover hugging some toilet bowl, being sick all over the place so I guess..........i'm kind of a little hyprocrite........... but anyway, I digress, you get my drift, right????
And for all those pregnant women out there, we can't wait to see your little precious, wonderful bundles of joys!!!
Stay Fabulous!!!
UK BBC Presenter Myleene Klass, Britney spears, Demi Moore, Christina Aguillera
Posts
